19 days and counting..

To be honest.. i'm not really excited to be 18.. I reminisced on my past today and damn how much stupid shit I did. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change some of it. I know I'm not perfect but asdklfmga idk where im going with this. its just bugging the shit out of me and it doesnt even help because I miss my brother so much. I've been wondering how life would be if he saw me growing up in high school. I wish I could just get that hug from him. I wish he could be here right now. If he was here I dont even think i'd be the fucked up person I am right now. Everyone thinks im fine, everyone thinks that everything is coo, but its beause I always hide what I really feel. Only a certain few know whats really going on in my life and its just hard as fuck. ahh this is just stupid. likes anyone reads these blogs anyways. sdfghaklfdlkjsgdljk.